or simply disappear

the one weekend where I decide to have a social life, I end up so depressed. I did end up going to the loft party but I don't know how to dress.Everyone was dressed so fancy and I was just there with my oversized jacket and grandpa sweater. Why cant I fit in with society ? this is so frustrating  I'm having such a hard time coping with the fact that I'm an outcast. I don't want to be an outcast, people who are outcasts have shitty lives. I wannabe a popular bitch, with long hair and a pretty face. No one wants to talk with the black girl who listens to punk music and has the most messed up personality. if I was a guy, I wouldn't want to talk to me either. I just want a friend right now to come in my room and hug me and say every thing is going to be alright. I don't have that though and I never will. I'm so pathetic, why do I go on with life. why do I have such drastic mood swings. why does everything make me cry. I'm so miserable right now and I have no one.  I cant do anything without assuming someone is judging me I hate being like this, its so frustrating.. why cant i be simple. why cant I open up to someone and not worry. why am I so afraid and why am I so depressed.


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